The moment of crystal clear disappointment, that moment of clarity, will hurt like a bitch! It's worst than that psycho basket case Joker in Batman. It's relentless. It will never leave you alone. You won't be able to ignore it. It will spoil all your make-believe moments. It will burn you inside out. Your whole world will come shuttering down. You can never go back to that blissful state of ignorance. It will haunt you down in your dreams, if need be. That ache in your chest burning and turning, the one that's tormenting you eventually will take you over and you will come to your senses. This is called the repercussions of a reality check. In that moment of clarity, you balance your expectations with the reality and it slowly sinks in.
A mixture of intense feelings, mostly disappointment and regret, rush through your veins. It's really horrifying to watch your world dissolve into meaningless pieces. Being disappointed in your own self makes you miserable. Realising that you have made the same mistakes over and over again just out of fear, makes you wonder whether you have a learning disorder or you're just doomed to be like this. - as if its an ancient curse from the fairy tales.
Feeling extremely disappointed and discouraged to start over will keep you from moving on. Formalising an exit strategy from this hell point will appear impossible. But simultaneously you'll know that anything is possible since during that moment of clarity you've realised you have been living an illusion. How could you be so detached from the reality, you'd wonder. Then, you'll remember that you've been to this hell before. Even so that, you can draw a map leading there. This, my friend, is that old feeling of resentment towards your self slowly sinking in. Being so familiar with the pain and the bursting tears will give you no advantage if you lose yourself. Apparently, practice in self-induced disappointment doesn't make you perfect at recovering from it. If you give in, it will only further hurt you. You can literally feel the physical pain of disappointment in that moment of clarity. But, thou shall not give in! Try to remain calm and see the irony of the situation.
Remember, the concept of life is drawn from the definition of sarcasm.
It's sharp so it will cut you deep.
It's bitter so it will turn you bitter.
It's cruel so it will judge you harsh.
Sarcasm is a form of art and life is the ultimate artist. The shitty part is life's a solo act. You grieve in solitude while life is playing those nasty jokes on you. Is it really a good joke when you heard a million versions of it? That's up for debate but you've gotta give the credits where credit is due. Accept the fact that life has beaten you down this round. And, you have to be a bigger bitch to beat a bitch.
No one can help you if you don't help yourself.
So, you'd better pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start working on your recovery.