Tuesday, 24 January 2012

i lost my juju, i am bored

As i get off work by 10 pm, i realized i became the most boring version of me. i cancel ski trips due to business reviews, i can't make plans which would require a whole week of vacation, i can't even get a hair cut during the week since no hair saloon is open after 9 and more importantly i don't do anything new on the weekends because i just can't be bothered to(!)
its not that work sucks the life out of me, work can even be energizing since i have good company to play with but i just simply lack the motivation to amaze myself. i just can't be bothered to get out of bed and out of the apartment. i even can't get out of the same application coz i just don't have the urge to explore more.
i stopped asking questions a couple of weeks ago. i am so not interested in the world. my interest and eagerness to explore so than know more have disappeared. one day i woke up and i was alone. its like as if they made plans and exclueded me or i wasn't invited to the same party and simply was left alone at home.
i lost my juju :S
i need that spark of interest and eagerness back in me. i am just not into the world anymore but since i bothered to write about it, its a good sign.
it depresses ne. i am so bored with this whole dull version of my world that i literally am sad.
i reckon it can be a symptom of corporate infection but nevertheless i need to get it over with. i am seriously bored.
i remembered steve jobs talking about the need to change something after waking up for so many consecutive days and feeling unfullfilled. i reckon this satisfies the criteria.
Let the search for change to find some interest in life begin!

Saturday, 21 January 2012

TV is a drug, a drug that reinforces you to eat

Ed Turner once said: "If we had had the right technology back than, you would have seen Eva Braun on the Donahue show and Adolf Hitler on Meet the Press.". 

TV is like eating when you know you're getting fat in an unhealthy way. You get the satisfaction from eating  that you kid yourself to undermine the fact that its abuse, almost like an eating disorder. It makes you borderline obese and danger your health/life but you somehow manage to like it, watch it more. That shit is freaking toxic but who am I kidding we all have TV Forecast HD on our iPads(?!)

Friday, 6 January 2012

Amazing people I play with

I often find myself being stared at, especially at the office. Coz, I have so much fun while working. It's not like I am one of those over-enthusiactic and over-motivated corporate employees. One can even say I am hard to motivate and therefore work with. - specially when problems repeat which is all the time. But I am so priviledged to have amazing people to work with. Work transforms into play with these guys. They are like my playmates; I laugh with them and enjoy myself and I know its almost impossible to do so in our play ground. I also annoy them when I am annoyed. - I'm not sure whether they would complain or not but I do state whatever's bugging me and force them to recognize that statement. I feel safe, surrounded by people who won't intentionally upset me and whom I feel comfortable sitting next to. And that's pretty amazing!
These two people I work with are so unique and fascinating that I have a huge smile or comfort of some sort whenever I interact with them. I either smile or laugh hard if not stay cool and chilled in piece with them. I enjoy playing with them.
I'm fascinated with this in this moment coz I burned my hand today, during lunch. Around 4pm, I got out of a day-long workshop and finally sit between Haliloglu and ThugLove_ with an empty stomach, T pealed his mandalinas and offered me since I wasn't able to peal them myself. It warmed by heart! Not only sharing his food but also feeding me when I can't eat on my own. Boy, I am amazed.
Than during dinner, O saw me getting in line while he was sitting at the other end and eating. He jumped up and reached to carry my tray for me since I can't hold it still with one hand and put food with at the sametime. Literally, a drop of tear appeared on my eye. I was feeling some sort of gratitude and warmth in my heart. I was double amazed.
Knowing so little about and spending so little time with, yet still, feel so dear and deeply.
So, I get to have my cake and eat it too. I play with my mates at a 8 to 5 basis each day.
I am damn straight priviledged.